Ok- so that’s my own headline, but it’s true.
Kenyans have been going through a lot of stress lately. The economic crisis is finally hitting us, prices are increasing, retrenchment is the buzzword of the day and our politicians are decreasing the overall intelligence of the average Kenyan.
Our politicians have spent a few weeks debating on who’s power and influence should be greater, rather than implementing the changes they promised over a year ago when the coalition government came into power. These and other petty arguments have literally been the straw that broke the camel’s back, or in this case, the backs of their spouses who have been encouraged to stop rewarding their husbands with sex for a week. I am innately embarrassed to be a Kenyan woman, and for the next week I’m claiming Macedonian citizenship, or even Zimbabwean.
First of all, our current government should not constitute a reason to sacrifice sex for change. Would you sacrifice the pleasures of your marital bed for a government that let 10 million people starve? That have been bickering about the content of agendas, rather than implementing them? That were responsible for the deaths of over 1000 people and the displacement of 100,000? That don’t even pay taxes on their fat salaries? I don’t think so.
Second- is banning sex the most effective way to get our leaders to change? It has been tried before with stunting and surprising results (for the women, at least). As they say, you attract more flies with honey, not salt-and-lemon water laced with don’t-you-dare-touch-me-for-the-next-week-or-I’ll-scream! Wouldn’t it be more effective if we all, as Kenyans, just quietly ignore our politicians? Just stop listening to them and affording them the priviledge of our limited time and attention. Just like a screaming, tantrummy boy- slap, kick or beat him in the hope of discipline and he rebels. Ignore him while finding something else that’s more interesting and he comes crying for forgiveness, willing to change.
Third- from what I’ve heard, sex is fun. It’s meant to be, and men will find other fun releases for their desires. We claim to be a country based on Christian principles, with foundations in biblical truths that never change. Sex within the confines of marriage is biblical, and denying a man in this way is a recipe for disaster.
Fourth- have these women thought about the repurcussions of their actions? This is not a have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too scenario. It’s a have-your-cake-and-you-probably-will-never-have-it-again scenario. The surprise of a lifetime will unveil itself when these women return after their week-long fast to find men who will not desire to make babies with their wives.
Fifth- these women are also working on a plan to pay prostitutes not to have sex for the week. In all honesty, and with the chance to capitalize on the daftness of the Women’s Development Coalition, no payout should be enough to make them stop. If they are wise, they’ll figure out that they can hike their prices (since demand would probably increase) making a tidy sum while promising the Women’s Development Coalition that they will not engage in sex. Prostitutes aren’t known for their morals anyway. Double the money, double the fun!

This week, my mama, a guest and I decided to try out the new joint in town- Savanna Restaurant near Nairobi Hospital. I mean- it’s super snazzy, with a waterfall in the entrance, teak furniture with their logo emblazoned on the smooth, shiny tables, fabulous menus with thick paper that looks like a Japanese-born, Swedish-bred animator went crazy with the design, a logo that makes you wanna pinch yourself, a patio with leather armchairs… I mean- it was fabulous… Until the food came… and until I ventured forth into the unknown abyss that was awaiting me in the bathroom…